Tuesday, May 20, 2008

And now, the man behind the bullshit.

Okay, all my fans ( all three of you), I'm sure you must've read my previous posts ( all two of them) and been wondering, who IS this guy? How is his mind so keen, and yet his nature so humble? I wish i knew what brand of ice-cream he ate, and whether he slept with stuffed animals. If only I could become a little like him.... well, your prayers have been answered. There's this stupid game called tag, which I'm sure originated from the nerd-gang of my electrical class in college. What they do is, they give you this set of questions, which you are supposed to answer (they "tag" you). For example, I was "tagged" by Meera. ( I wonder how the nerd-gang got their hands on such a sweet little girl. Meera stay away from them. They can ruin your self-confidence i tell you...). Anyway, enough bullshit. Now for some more bullshit:

1)LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER: Chronicles of Narnia: Prince-Supergay. LOTR for bed-wetters and little girls.

2)WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?: Functional Specification Document for Geneva Exchange Layer for Forex and Options, Version 1.1.1.5, by my Project manager, one of the greatest writers in the genre of Fixed Income and Treasury. Well actually just finished 3 Mistakes of my life by Chetan Bhagat. No great literary value ( The document by my Project manager has more literary value, i tell you), but it was more fun than a barrel full of drunk monkeys.

3)FAVORITE BOARD GAME? : Ludo. I like it because the game is based purely on luck,and hence no one calls you a dumbass after you lose.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? : I've stopped reading them. I DOWNLOAD porn now.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS? : The smell of my girlfriend's hair right after she's taken a bath. Drives me crazy every time.

6. FAVORITE SOUND? : The sound of the clock striking 6 o'clock on weekdays.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? : Well, this Sunday, I was taking a mock CAT, and i forgot the value of Cos30 degrees. I always knew that I was a dumbass, but i didn't know i had reached such heights.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: "Wtf, why didn't the alarm go off?" Well, it always goes off, and it keeps beeping till all my roommates wake up and one of them shuts the alarm, kicks me five times to wake me up, curses my mother and then gives up.

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? :Sudhir Chainis Restorent, just below my office.Their speciality is South Indian.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? : Well I'll have 3 kids. A boy, and two girls. The boy will grow up to be a rockstar, so I'll give him a name which can be easily anglicized, like Sameer->Sam,Devraj->Dave, Omkara Zalaaluddin Zubin Yahudi ->Ozzy. The second girl will be a model, so her name has to sound sexy. Something like Saloni ( have you ever met a girl whose name was Saloni and she wasn't hot?). The third girl will do all the chores in the house, so I'll name her Bimla.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D...? : be 75 years old.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST? : I have to. I wake up at 9:20 am, and office starts at 9:30. No choice there.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? : Well, sometimes when my roommate is really drunk, he crashes on my bed and its impossible to move him. So yeah, sometimes i do end up sleeping with stuffed animals.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY? : Storms are always cool. What happens to the roads of Mumbai two hours after the storm isn't.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: I still don't have one. I'm poor. You don't have to rub it in by asking such offensive questions.

16. FAVORITE DRINK? : Water. After I've had 5 bottles of beer. After i've had 6 shots of whiskey.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD..” I always have time. It's money that I don't have which keeps me from going to Jamaica.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI? : Depends, on how many pegs I've had before I have to take this decision.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE? : I've always wanted to dye it in the colours the Indian flag... some day i will, if i have any hair left on my head by that time.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN : New Delhi, Bagdogra (WB), Hashimara (WB), Devlali (MH), Talbehat (UP), Nasirabad (Rajasthan), Ambala (haryana), Guwahati, Calicut and finally Mumbai. Phew... things you have to do when your dad's in the army...

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? : Who needs sports when you've got Reality TV? No game of football or cricket or F1 can come even close to "When Police car chases go horribly wrong".

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU : One is not enough, i have to tell you three:
1. Unlike 99.99% girls, she has a sense of humour.
2. Unlike 99.99% girls, she doesn't have her head shoved up her ass and hence is able to think straight, and talk sense.
3. She values and respects her friends.

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? : Let's see ...My CAT material, my pillow, DVDs of Rosemary's baby and A Few Good Men, harry Potter 7, the late Bittoo ( cockroach.. poor fellow was whipped with a jhaadu to death by the Baai), my old mp3 player, comb, atleast 2 pairs of jeans, a packet of Marlboro lights, a vase ( which i got in L&T as a prize for being the "life of the party") ... well these are the things i can't find since the last 2 months. Well, come June, and the landlady will kick us out of the house. We'll look under the bed that day.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN? : I was okay when I was born. It's the engineering education that fucked up my life. Would love to change that, please...

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? : Morning: owl, night: person.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP? : wtf does this question mean? does it have anything to do with making eggs? In that case, it doesn't matter coz sudhir (refer qn.9) makes only bhurji.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? : Office. These guys have some deadly chairs, I tell you.

28. FAVORITE PIE?: American Pie. Part 3.

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? : Pista is the current favourite. Im just waiting for someone to invent beer flavour.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? : I don't have anyone to tag. My friends don't blog. Its difficult to type while holding a beer can, you see.

Phew...that's lot of typing. The last time i typed so much was when my girlfriend got pissed at me for flirting, and i didn't have the balance to call her up and clarify things. I had to pacify her over google talk.

15 comments:

Oye Bubbly... said...

My first reaction...
Ha ha ha...ROTFL...

Really funny:) but the funniest one was ur kid's name:). Hope to meet ur sam, bimla and saloni one day:)

Anyway tags aren't that bad. Firstly it gives u loads to bullshit about(which u do a lot) and secondly it is sometimes needed to make a dormant blog(like mine) active.

Drunken Mind.. said...

funny boss as always..u rock...waise maine bhi blog likhna start kar diya hain...give it a look if u get a chance

Anphy said...

n"erd-gang of my electrical class in college" - objection your honour :P

Nautanki sssaala said...

@meera: well you won't get to meet bimla. the girl will always be busy in the kitchen doing the dishes.

@drunken mind: thanks pote. tum logo ke pyaar dulaar se hi ye blog kisi tarah chal raha hai ...

@anphy: o c'mon anphy. it wasnt for you....you a nerd? no way ... hey wait a min, i did some R&D and found out who tagged meera. OMG!!! it's you!!! As Sam D'Souza would've said, "mera shak yakeen mein badal gaya". :D

ray said...

Hi ,

I was reading ur blog posts and found some of them to be wow.. u write well.. Why don't you popularize it more.. ur posts on ur blog Mein Kampf took my particular attention as some of them are interesting topics of mine too;

BTW I help out some ex-IIMA guys who with another batch mate run www.rambhai.com where you can post links to your most loved blog-posts. Rambhai was the chaiwala at IIMA and it is a site where users can themselves share links to blog posts etc and other can find and vote on them. The best make it to the homepage!

This way you can reach out to rambhai readers some of whom could become your ardent fans.. who knows.. :)

Cheers,

Sindhu :) said...

Wow :)))) That was the funniest tag I have read till now! Really good!

You write really well!! & Very humorous too! But looks like you dont blog much, though!

Swetha said...

Hey barun,
Had a great time reading..Cant believe such good work came from u
But then when all the answers had to do something with beer and drinks i was sure its U only!!!
Hey blog often..atleast i have something interesting to read during these boring office hrs...

plutonikos. said...

lol this one was reallyy funny man... u should blog more often....which yr of engg u in.. preparing for cat n all...n tht cos 30 degrees wala was funnyy..lol for a sec even i forgot... wht was tht rt 3/2 ritee...

Nautanki sssaala said...

@sindhu: thanks yaar... that was really flattering.

@swetha: You are the reason i don't blog often. How will you do your CAT preps sitting in the office if you have interesting stuff to read?

@plutonikos: Thanks for the comment once again. You seem to be becoming a regular customer of mine :) . waise, i completed my engineering way back in 2006. abhi buddha ho gaya huun.. that's why i keep forgetting the value of cos 30. I'm still not sure if it's rt 3/2, or 1/2, or 1, or rt 1/2, or 3.141 . Two yrs after completing engineering, all numbers look the same to me.

gOOpi said...

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX? : Office. These guys have some deadly chairs, I tell you.

Add blogs like this to it!! lol.. Sitting in Office chair and read the blog!! :P

STUFFED ANIMAL.... ROTFLAMO :D:D

malabika said...

bravo bruno.... i liked the stuff, damn funny one. u shud evn write about ur tabla classes just b4 u strted karatekidding :D

arshat.chaudhary said...

totally cool man!
hahahah... God!

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? : Well I'll have 3 kids. A boy, and two girls. The boy will grow up to be a rockstar, so I'll give him a name which can be easily anglicized, like Sameer->Sam,Devraj->Dave, Omkara Zalaaluddin Zubin Yahudi ->Ozzy. The second girl will be a model, so her name has to sound sexy. Something like Saloni ( have you ever met a girl whose name was Saloni and she wasn't hot?). The third girl will do all the chores in the house, so I'll name her Bimla.

hahahahahahhhahah...

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL? : Morning: owl, night: person....

i m so gonna pass it as my own! :P

Its post like these which tell u how good a writer you are.. If i didnt know better, i wud say u are Chetan Bhagat!

nasia said...

why shud bimla do the house work!!!!!!

Kev said...

"Omkara Zalaaluddin Zubin Yahudi ->Ozzy. The second girl will be a model, so her name has to sound sexy. Something like Saloni ( have you ever met a girl whose name was Saloni and she wasn't hot?). The third girl will do all the chores in the house, so I'll name her Bimla."

PRICELESS!!!

urgu said...

adi poli post aliyo...ive read that stupid tag lots of times, and let me say kisi mein itna mazaa nahi aaya tha.